Wednesday, May 21, 2008
im a total fuck up
im a total fuck up. i can't stop thinking about emily even though she didn't treat me very nicely (i wasn't the best either). I keep on telling myself that I want her back but then I tell myself I don't. I keep on going back and forth back and forth. I looked at the facebook today. I don't know why. I almost started crying cause I just want to be with someone so bad, it's kinda sad. Im so rediculouse. Im probably going to be working alot. I don't really like my job. When Im there working and staying busy and getting good paychecks its not to bad. I think Im in more happier moods when Im with someone. That's why I want to be with some one so Im not so depressed. Why hasn't she changed her facebook yet? kinda weird. I meet someone and I push them away because I wasn't ready (which I wasn't) and because she was too fat! Who am I to judge people on their appearance! She was a nice person. Then I meet someone else but she all ready has a bf. I meet someone else, she wanted to be my friend but won't even talk to me. She'll talk but she won't start coversations or ask questions. Idk.I've been feeling so lously lately. not all the time. Just some of the time. Life sucks then you die. Why can't I be happy with what I got? why do I need to be with someone so bad? Im I that dependent? Is that a bad thing?
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I was actually chasing this girl for about six months. She actually approached me at first to hang out and things went pretty smoothly for a couple of weeks. Then she never called me for nearly a month and never answered my phone calls. Then out of the blue, she'd invite me over for a drink and we'd have a good time. Then she would ignore me for two more weeks and then all of a sudden invite me to lunch. Then at some point, I became her "lunch" buddy. That was the only time we ended up chilling out (you actually met her once). Then by graduation time, she actually invited me to a party at this place called the hippy house. I didn't know how to get there though and I couldn't find her after graduation and she wouldn't answer her phone. So I went home and sat alone. Havn't seen on her on AIM either since graduation. Yeah......it seems like all girls are fucked up. I totally know how you feel dude.
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